Funny Typos

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“When in the course of writing events, it becomes necessary for each author to resolve ambiguities over typos. Always assume among the powers of the publishing world, the separate and equal insistence, that manuscript errors are inherently egregious.

“We hold these typos to be self-evident, even though all typos are created equal, that they are unintentionally emboldened by their author with certain ‘mistakable’ rights, that among these are errors, gaffes and the pursuit of embarrassment.”

For beginning writers, or any level writer for that matter, please don’t anguish over making typos. Don’t beat yourself up over them. Understand that typos come with the territory. Instead of feeling disgusted and embarrassed, enjoy them. They can be very entertaining … and they’re easy enough to fix. After all, they’re going to happen no matter what.  Editing is usually the procedure where they die a timely death.

Many a typo has been accidentally composed by the best of writers, but the worst of them (and the funniest) never see the light of the publishing world. Beginning authors never get to say, “See, those writers are seasoned authors … and they make the same mistakes I do! It’s kind of like being a weekend golfer and watching the pros on TV … and how we revel in the mistakes they make! It brings them down to our level of inconsistent expertise.

In December of 2016, I reached a milestone in writing. I penned my 3,000,000th word. Here are some eye-rolling, some embarrassing, some funny typos I made SINCE THEN while writing the first five books of my Albacron sci-fi series. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.

1 – I am a bored member of this organization. [So, resign!]

2 – When the headset is plugged into the jack and it turns, the connection is lost. Giggling re-establishes contact. [So, what does groaning do?]

3 – I turned to see the aircraft go up in a ball of fame. [That sounds like it belongs in the Hall of Fame.]

4 – We crapt back on our hands and knees. [Messy!]

5 – The crowd erupted in shooting. (shouting) [But there were no guns allowed at the rally!]

6 – I truly livered moment to moment. [But how did your heart and kidneys react?]

7 – I will resign my position once my germ is up next year. [Which one of the many billions and billions?]

8 – Vega and Raya entered and stared at me, their moths dropping open. [Strange pets … and were they dissected first?]

9 – Electra turned to see Vega writing on the floor. (writhing) [Did she run out of paper? Hope it wasn’t with a permanent marker.]

10. The charge is to pour society. (change – our) [How much, and into what?]

11. I trolled over and staggered to my feet. [Trolling must be quite tiring.]

12. Which was do we go? [Avoid was. Keep it active.]

13. Rabidovich picked up his form and jabbed some of the white meat with it. [Who’ll want a grease-stained form now?]

14. Had our Grand Elite Corps not ceased her family …. (seized) [I suppose that’s another way of saying a hit was put out on them.]

15.  I looked at the doors and determined they swung wither way. [Be careful passing through then!]

16. He stared at it and shirted his gaze to mine. [Nothing like a well-dressed stare.]

17. Medicine Bow Peak is prominent, and the terrain would make it hard to get two. [It would be hard enough to obtain one.]

18. I was trying to get the police offers out of their cars. [Were they taking bribes?]

19. I grasped her hand in mint (mine) [At least they smelled nice.].

20. How can you even say that without creaking a smile? [As the scarecrow said, “Oil! Oil!”]

21. You’re just too funny for worlds. [I suppose they’ll have to live in space then. Somewhere there’s a humorous planet.]

22. Gemma lifted her can and shoved it back into the sand. (cane) [It’s better than shoving one’s head in the sand.]

23. I stared into her yes. (eyes) [And where’s that exactly?’]

24. She sifted her gaze from me to Calypso. [I hope she used a fine-mesh sifter.]

25. In his room, he walked to his bead and reached for the headboard. [That’s one tiny headboard … or one large bead.]

26. I leaned toward the small opening and cupped my lips around my mouth. (hands) [That’s quite a trick!]

27. It quieted enough to hear an aunt crawling. [I think she was trying to sneak a midnight snack.]

28. China develops a military might second to nine. [Who are the other eight?]

29. I tiled my head. [Ouch!]

30. Many of these problems are germane to moist writers. [Never write after a shower without drying off first.]

31. A squad of Grand Elite corpsmen steamed in and held their guns on the other corpsmen. [Never take a firearm into a steam bath!]

32. They stood before the mighty trunk of  the ear tree. (pear) [Was it ears-dropping?]

33. Chara whipped a finger to her ips. [It would be too weird if it were hips.]

34. Looking at Chara, she caught my gas and laughed as well. (gaze) [Not exactly a laughing matter … unless it was laughing gas.]

35. He stepped up to the golden grossbar and eased his hands on it. (crossbar) [If it’s that gross, I wouldn’t touch it!]

36. She fattened her lips and drew the ends up into a clownish smile. [Silicon injection … really?]

37. He paused, and his yes glassed over for several seconds. (eyes) [There they go again.]

38. The winged aircraft shot through our field of vision in a spit-second. [As gross as that sounds.]

39. I graped his hand and held it close to my side. (grasped) [Smashed grapes on it?]

40. Viola! You’re standing in the white light on the ground. (Voila) [Nothing musical about it.]

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